When a child is having a meltdown, it can be hard for parents to remember to speak in a calm, low voice. In the heat of the moment, they might feel the urge to ask questions, explain why the behavior is not acceptable, or even respond with frustration. However, experts frequently suggest using the “low and slow” technique to help children deal with their emotions. This method is simple: when a child is feeling overwhelmed, a parent should slow down their speech and lower their voice. This approach helps create a soothing environment for the child.
The effectiveness of the “low and slow” method comes from the concept of co-regulation. This means that one person’s calm presence can help another person manage their strong feelings, thanks to shared mirror neurons. Young children are still learning how to control their emotions, so they often look to adults for guidance on how to react when they feel overwhelmed. Shouting or telling them to “calm down” can feel threatening and may increase their distress. Also, trying to explain why they should calm down when they are already upset usually does not work. Instead, parents can prepare the environment for calming down.
To use the “low and slow” method, parents can follow a few easy steps, which is helpful during stressful moments. First, parents should speak softly and slowly, using brief sentences rather than asking many questions or providing lengthy explanations. Next, they should take pauses, as children may need extra time to absorb even a few words. Simple phrases like “I’m here” or “You’re safe” can be more effective than longer sentences. Lastly, parents should be mindful of their body language and keep it neutral. Experts often advise getting down to the child’s eye level to improve communication.
This co-regulation process can benefit adults as well. Adults sometimes feel overwhelmed by their own emotions, be it due to a stressed friend, an upset coworker, or a family member in distress. Using the “low and slow” method with adults works similarly; a calm voice, slower speech, and a relaxed presence can be more inviting than reacting with frustration. The goal is to help others feel less alone during tough moments.
What are your thoughts on using the “low and slow” method with kids or adults?
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Source: Upworthy, by Heather Wake