At a party, when you meet someone new, how do you begin the conversation? A common question is, “What do you do for a living?” However, this can make some people uncomfortable, especially if they think their job isn’t interesting. It may also come off as probing for their income. Another option is to ask, “How was your day today?” But if their day was boring, it might end the conversation quickly. Similarly, asking about weekend plans can lead to discomfort if they have no specific activities to share.
So, what’s a better question to ask? According to Terry Gross, host of NPR’s Fresh Air podcast, the best small talk question is: “So, tell me about yourself.” She explains that this four-word question is effective because it opens the conversation without putting someone on the spot or causing discomfort. This broad question allows the individual to express what matters to them, whether that’s their job, a hobby, or a cause they care about. Their responses will likely reveal their interests and much about their personality. Additionally, it gives them the choice to avoid any topics they don’t want to delve into, preventing awkward assumptions.
A Harvard study highlights that when people talk about themselves, it triggers brain regions linked to pleasure, similar to rewards like food and money. This shows that people enjoy discussing themselves, facilitating social connections, which is the goal of small talk. Moreover, studies indicate that when meeting someone new, people want to relate to each other beyond the immediate situation. For instance, if you’re at a party celebrating a mutual friend, the new acquaintance likely wants to find common ground, like shared interests or professional ties. Sociologists refer to these connections as “multiplex ties,” and having them can lead to a greater sense of well-being.
If you want to make a good impression and be more likable, research from Harvard suggests that after asking, “Tell me about yourself,” you should follow up with two more questions. This approach tends to make people view you as more likable compared to if you ask only this question and then shift the focus to yourself. Although it may seem too simple, starting with such a question is effective. Once the discussion begins, you’ll have lots of chances to ask deeper questions and share interesting information. It all begins with encouraging the other person to talk, and there’s nothing better for that than discussing their favorite topic: themselves.
What do you think about starting conversations this way?
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Source: Upworthy, by Tod Perry